Back to my Roots Page 5

  Elena

  Sleep never came last night, I'm blaming the state of panic I have been in since I ran into Lucas. I had barely made it to the Inn when my panic attack started. I haven't even been in town for twenty-four hours and have already had an attack. Hopefully it will be my only one, yeah right. I shower and get ready for the day with thoughts of Lucas running through my mind. I don't think I have gone seconds without thinking about him. That can't be good. He looked so damn good last night, all tall and brooding. He looked mad when he saw me but I can't blame him, I didn't leave on the best terms.

  I just thought then that I was making the best decision, I never meant to hurt anyone. Now Amber's words are coming back to me. “Sarah was heartbroken when her so called best friend left. Lucas was pissed for what you put his sister through.” At least he's only mad at me for breaking Sarah's heart and not for leaving him too. I don't know what I was worried about, he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him. I was just another conquest.

  I still can't believe he's with her. He was always so sweet and caring, and well, Amber isn't. I guess a lot has changed in the past seven years. I still can't help but feel a sense of loss when I think of what life could have been like. If Lucas and I were still together, if we started our own family. I have to push those thoughts away. I guess old feelings die hard, well maybe not so old.

  When we were so close last night I could feel the heat coming of his body. All these feeling I had for him are still there. They never truly went away but it doesn't matter, I'm not back and he is with someone else. I mean he was my first everything, of course the feelings are still there. He was my first crush, first kiss, first love, first time. I gave him everything at eighteen. But the outcome was not his fault, I'm the one that left. If he's happy, it's not my business who he's with. In the back of my mind I think, he didn't look too happy to me.

  After I gather all my things I head downstairs and make my way to the kitchen for some breakfast and much needed coffee. I find Mrs. Johnson cooking breakfast and the couple that's staying here sitting at the table. They are in town for their honeymoon. After I make myself a cup of coffee and sit at the table, Mrs. Johnson brings the food over and joins us.

  “So, Elena, what are your plans for the day?” I don't really know what to say. Do I tell her the truth, that I plan to avoid everyone in this town? No, that's probably not a good idea.

  “I haven't really made any plans, I just thought I would hang around here.” The newlyweds are so lost in each other they don't even notice our conversation. I would love to have a relationship like that. When you're with your person everything else ceases to exist. Mrs. Johnson notices me staring at the couple and nudges me to get my attention. My face turns red from being caught, she just gives me an understanding smile. After breakfast is finished the newlyweds head out, so I offer to help with the cleanup. Mrs. Johnson won't hear of it and shoos me away.

  When I'm about to head to my room she stops me.

  “Elena, I don't know if you remember but the county fair is this next weekend.” Yes, I remember but I was hoping to be heading home before then.

  “Oh, is that next weekend? I won't be able to go, I'm heading home Thursday.”

  “Well that's a shame, we just got this fancy boutique in town. I thought you would like to go shopping, maybe pick something nice out for the fair.” Shopping does sound nice, even if I'm not staying for the fair.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Johnson shopping sounds, great.” She gives me a nod and goes back to her dishes. I go back to my room to grab my purse and key. When I'm making my way to my car my phone goes off. I pull it out to see I have a text from Dorian. I haven't heard from him in two weeks.

  Dorian-Hey Elena, sorry I've been silent for a while. I had a lot to think about. I have come to the conclusion that I'm not ready to give up on this relationship. I'm fine if you need more time to think about our engagement, but we belong together. Aubrey wouldn't tell me where you went so I talked to your Uncle James, he said you went home? I'm not sure what that means but I'm assuming Eureka. I'm coming to get you and will arrive Wednesday. Love you

  What? Why? I can't believe him! I thought me saying no to the engagement and having had no contact since, would've given him a clue? I guess I should have made a clean break. He can't come here, I can't deal with him right now. I have a meeting with Mr. Breck Wednesday morning. SHIT! I would be mad at Uncle James but how can I, he probably has no idea what is going on. I don't really talk to him and Aunt Grace about my personal life. Aubrey is the only one I confide in.

  I try to call Dorian to talk him out of coming here but he doesn't answer. He knows what I'm going to say and thinks if he doesn't answer the phone I can't tell him not to come. I leave a voicemail telling him I need my space and we will talk when I get home. That's the only thing I can do at this point. Just to cover all my bases I send him a text saying the same thing, he has to at least see one of them and get the hint. Shaking that off before I freak out I call Aubrey. She picks up right away.

  “Hey girl, I was just fixing to call you.” I cut her off before she can finish her next sentence.

  “Dorian just text me, he's on his way here and should arrive by Wednesday. What do I do? I tried to call him back and tell him not to come but he won't answer. He can't come here, I can't deal with him right now.” I take a deep breath before I really freak out.

  “Calm down, I can barely understand you, did you say Dorian is coming to Eureka?”.

  “Yes, he’s going to be here Wednesday.”

  “Damn, I thought he understood, I mean he came by yesterday looking for you. I told him you went out of town. He seemed irritated that I wouldn't tell him where, but he didn't push the issue.”

  “He asked Uncle James where I was and I guess he got all the information he needed.”

  This is just great, I can only deal with one problem at a time. I don't do well in stressful situations.

  “Aubrey, I really could use some help.” I'm not sure what she can do, but if anyone can help me it’s her.

  “Maybe I can go by his place and talk some sense into him. I will see what I can do, don't freak out yet. Just breath and do what you went there to do.”

  “What would I do without you?”

  “Become a miserable old cat lady that never leaves the house.” She laughs, but she's right. I really don't know what I would do without her.

  I tell her about last night, about Amber the queen “B”, about my run in with Lucas. She listens through the whole rant with a few questions and a few comments for the queen “B”. I love knowing if she was here she would have had my back. By the time I'm done she's quiet.

  “Aubrey, you there?” I ask looking at the phone to make sure I didn't drop the call.

  “Yea, I'm here. Just thinking of how to say this without pissing you off.” That's one thing I can always count on from Aubrey, she tells me exactly what's one her mind whether I want to hear it or not.

  “Just spit it out, since when are you worried about pissing me off? You know I can never stay mad at you.”

  “Yea, I guess you're right. Okay here goes, I think you should go talk to Lucas and mend some fences.”

  “What?” I interrupt her, has she lost her mind. I wouldn't even know where to begin with that mess.

  “Now hear me out. I also think you should talk to your old friend Sarah and apologize for leaving. If you left me like that I would have hunt you down and kicked your ass.”

  I know she's right, I can't imagine how Sarah felt. I'm sure I would feel the same way if Aubrey ran off without telling anyone. I know it would have broken my heart if Sarah would have done that to me. She was like my sister growing up, we did everything together.

  “You're right, I do owe them an explanation and an apology. I just don't know where to start.” I can't envision how this is going to go. Why would they accept my apology?

  “Start with I'm sorry.” Sounds easy enough.

  “But what if they don't accep
t my apology?” I ask voicing my thoughts.

  “Then that's on them, you can come home with a clear conscience and know you tried.”

  “That's true, thank you for listening to my rant. Let me know if you talk to Dorian.”

  “I will, call me if you need me.” We say our goodbye's and hang up the phone.

  I realize I have been sitting in my car for almost an hour talking to her. Maybe some shopping would be good. I pull away from the Inn and head to the boutique. It's a cute little store, I love the styles they have. I bought some really cute boots and a couple sweater dresses. By the time I'm finished I'm starving, so I walk to the local diner.

  This place was the hang out when I was growing up. It still looks the same, red and white booths line the windows to the right, the counter seating is to the left with its bright red stools and the checkered floors. This place hasn't changed at all. I walk in and take a seat at one of the empty booths. It's not as packed as I thought it would be on a Saturday. I place my order and check my phone while I wait. I'm hoping there will be a message from Dorian saying he won't be coming, or even one from Aubrey saying she talked him out of his crazy plan, but there's nothing.

  I go to put my phone away when someone sits down. I look up and freeze, I can't talk over the lump that has formed in my throat.

  “What, no hello for an old friend?” Sarah Wayne, my childhood friend sits across the booth from me. She hasn't changed much, she grew her blond hair out, and she looks a little older. But she still has those same green eyes as her brother, and that same small frame as her mother. She was always beautiful, but as a woman she is stunning. She's just staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I don't know what to say. Then Aubrey pops in my head “start with your sorry” I hope she's right.

  “I'm sorry,” I finally get it out, but it comes out a whisper. Now she's looking at me like she doesn't know who I am, I guess she doesn't anymore. We just sit there looking at each other. Until she finally says something.

  “I saw you walk here from the boutique, I had planned to give you a piece of my mind when I found out you were coming back.” How did she know I was coming back? She says it like she knew before I ran into Lucas.

  “Who told you?” I ask wondering if her brother called her.

  “Your Aunt Grace told my parents you were coming back to sell the ranch.” Wow, my aunt and uncle have been telling everyone my business. I'm going to have a talk with them.

  “Yeah, I got an email from a Mr. Breck wanting to buy the ranch.” She just makes a huffing sound and crosses her arms, so I try to apologize again.

  “Look Sarah, I really am sorry for how I handled things after... you know. I was young and I didn't deal with what happened very well.” She's just staring at me with an unreadable expression so I continue. “My therapist says I'm still not dealing with it.” Her expression changes just for a second and I think I see sadness in her eyes. I don't want her to feel sorry for me that's not why I'm telling her this. “I'm glad you came into the diner, I was going to ask around to see how to find you. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, for running away and leaving you in the dark.”

  She shakes her head at me like she doesn't believe me. “Elena, I get you were hurting I really do. I can't begin to imagine what you went through, what you're still going through. But I wasn't the only one you hurt, or the only one you need to apologize to.”

  Now I'm the one with the confused look on her face. “Who else did I hurt?” She was the only one that I mattered to.

  “My brother Elena, you broke his heart. You know he went to your house every day after the funeral to check on you. When you left and he found out, he called everyone we knew to get your aunts number. When he got it, Wyatt said he called every week for a year to see if you were okay. But after a year he stopped.” I feel tears pulling in my eyes and it takes everything I have not to let them fall. There is no way I hurt Lucas that bad. Did he really call every week to check on me? Why wouldn't Aunt Grace tell me?

  “Sarah, I don't know what to say. We only went on one date.”

  “Yea I know about the date. Lucas told me, then he left too.” I'm stunned. The waitress brings me my food and asks if I need anything else. I can only shake my head no, like I forget how to use my words. She asks Sarah if she can get her anything and she just says no thanks. I have so many questions I just don't know where to start.

  “Where did he leave to? Why are you telling me all this?”

  “He didn't tell anyone where he went, not even Wyatt. And I'm telling you this because I'm worried you being back here is going to be hard for him.” Ouch that hurt, but I guess I deserve it.

  “He looked like he was doing pretty good to me when I ran into him and his girlfriend last night at Mac's.” I don't think me being back is going to bother him at all. Sarah gives me a strange look.

  “What girlfriend? Lucas doesn't have a girlfriend.” That's not what he said, or didn't say. Okay maybe I assumed but he didn't deny it.

  “I ran into him and Amber Towel at the bar, they were with Wyatt and some other girl.” Her face turns red and she looks mad.

  “I will skin him alive if he ever dates Amber, and mama would lose her shit. You know she can't stand that girl.” I can't help the smile that takes my face. Yeah, Eve couldn't stand Amber when we were kids, and I'm going to guess not much has changed. Sarah starts to smile just a little but she looks like she's trying to fight it.

  “Well I can't blame her, the girl has a voice that's like nails on a chalkboard, and the attitude of a honey badger.” We both smile at each other and then burst out laughing. It feels good to laugh with Sarah again, I really have missed her. I will kick myself in the ass for the rest of my life for all the years we lost. When we finally stop laughing I have to wipe the tears from my eyes. She does the same. When she stands to leave she stops and gives me a serious look.

  “I know it's none of my business but be careful with Sebastian Breck, you can't trust him. I'm not saying that because I don't like his plans for your land but as an old friend.” I shake my head in understanding and stand with her.

  “I would really like to hangout before I head home at the end of the week, if you don't hate me too much.” I'm waiting for her to tell me to go to hell, but she surprises me by throwing her arms around me.

  “I missed you so much, I wish you were back for good. Yes, we can hang out before you go home.” I can't help the tears that fall.

  “I missed you too.” We exchange phone numbers and she heads out of the diner. My food has gone cold but I'm not in the mood to eat anyway. I look at the clock and notice it's still early, maybe a walk by the lake will clear my head. I need to process everything Sarah told me about Lucas. Could he have loved me as much as I loved him? Him and Amber are not together? I don't know why I care, but I do. He took off after I left? Poor Sarah, her best friend and her brother both left her. I'm surprised she doesn't despise me, but that was never her nature. She was always the most caring and forgiving person I knew.

  I pay my bill and head back to the Inn. I need to change my clothes if I plan on taking a walk by the lake, heels are not good for hiking. It takes me an hour to get changed and get out to the lake. I park off the trail, there's a couple trucks here but they're probably just fishing. This place brings back so many memories. This was where Lucas brought me for our first and only date and it’s also where we hung out when we were young. I get out of my car and walk the path that leads to the lake as I think about that night.

  I can't believe I'm on a date with Lucas, I have been dreaming of this for a long time. He picks me up at seven in his truck. He looks so handsome in a button up shirt, jeans, and boots. He brought me flowers and I can't stop blushing. When he gives them to me he places a kiss on my cheek.

  “Thank you,” I say in a small voice, I feel like this is the first time I have met him. But I've known Lucas my whole life, I need to stop being so nervous.

  “You look beautiful Elena,”
Lucas says as he takes my hand to walk me to his truck. I'm wearing a teal green high low dress, jean jacket, and cowboy boots. My hair is in a braid hanging over my right shoulder, and my makeup is done in soft natural tones. I feel great, and from the way Lucas is looking at me, I look great too. I don't think I’m going to stop blushing all night.

  We get to his truck and he opens the door and helps me climb in. He walks around the front of the truck, climbs behind the wheel, starts the truck and backs out of my drive. My mom was so happy for me about our date, she knows about my lifelong crush on Lucas. My dad on the other hand said to be home at a decent hour or he will hunt him down, then he winks. My father and Lucas's father have been friends for a long time. Dad has watched Lucas grow up and knows he's a good guy. Mom and dad are going out tonight, they didn't say where, just that they better not beat me home. I can't help the small laugh that comes out. Lucas looks over and smiles.

  “What's so funny?” He takes my hand intertwining our fingers. I look down at our hands and my face heats. When I look back up at him he's just watching me with that sexy smirk of his. I have a permanent blush around him.

  “Nothing just thinking about what my dad said before we left.” He looks at me with a hint of concern.

  “What did he say?”

  “He just told me that they had better not beat me home.” He looks really nervous now.

  “When did he say they would be home?”

  I smile at him and tell him, “He didn't” He just laughs but I can see the unease in his posture.

  “I'm sure he was just joking,” I tell him, hoping to relax him. When he finally looks a little more at ease I ask, “So what are we doing tonight?”

  “It's a surprise,” he answers with a mischievous grin. Okay, I can be patient I've waited this long. I notice we are starting to get close to the lake. This is not what I had in mind.

  “Lucas, I told you and Sarah I didn't want to have a party at the lake.” I look over at him feeling a little disappointed.